Category Archives: HorrorScopes

Weekly Horrorscopes (Horoscopes) are a bit snarky and twisted. Please don’t try this at home kids.

HorrorScopes: July 7-13

Aries (March 21-April 19)
You are seeking peace and harmony this week. Unfortunately, the military is testing two new rockets with the same name. Guess who is going to...
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HorrorScopes: June 9-15

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Carrying around full gasoline containers, Italian food, and quadrocopters in your car is a recipe for disaster. Just think what the cops will have to...
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HorrorScopes: June 2-8

Aries (March 21-April 19)
You will attempt to make a candle out of old crayons. It will go very badly for you and your family.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Your car...
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HorrorScopes: May 12-18

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Avoid speedboats. And the color chartreuse, it really washes you out.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Because some of the planets are out of alignment this month, be...
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HorrorScopes: May 5-11

Aries (March 21-April 19)
A business or romantic partner may seem a bit preoccupied today. It's because of your breath.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
A fascinating article you read in the...
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