Cookie Monster: What dat creepy shadow? Burglar? Bat? Satan?
Me: It’s probably a light from my cell phone or alarm clock. Shut your eyes and go to sleep.
CM: We have wacked out dreams if we no investigate ominous light source.
Meatsack walks over to the dresser.
Me: It’s just my electric toothbrush casting a shadow on the piggy bank.
CM: Ugh, light too bright! What we trying to do, summon PigBatman? Unplug!
Me: We can’t unplug, we need the toothbrush to charge.
CM: Why we no use normal toothbrush instead of creepy UFO-light toothbrush?
Mother: Electric toothbrush cost too much money! You buy toothbrushes on sale at dah dollar store! 11 for von dollar! Have von bristle per brush!
Me: I can’t use a normal toothbrush because I get lost in my thoughts, get aggravated, and brush my teeth too hard. The dentist says that my mouth is going to be a pool of blood with three teeth in it at this rate.
CM: Why we no keep electric tooth brush in bathroom?
Mom: You not keep toothbrush in bathroom! The toilet spray vhen it flush and den you get poo vater in your mouth!
CM: But now we have to sleep with evil pig overlord looming over us?
Me: Would you two just shut the hell up so I can sleep?