Cookie Monster: Ahem.
Cookie: Why we not see new Muppets movie yet? It out several days.
Me: I know, I’ve been avoiding all Facebook conversations and news articles because I’m worried about spoilers.
Cookie: How Muppets can be spoiled? Muppets probably have problem, go on adventure filled with hi-jinx , fix everything.
Me: Right, right. It’s a proven formula.
Cookie: Heresy! Muppets not formulaic!!! How dare you insult Daddy Henson?
Me: Excuse me. I listened when you made me go see The Muppets new release on opening night at midnight like some creepy weirdo. I played “Somebody’s Getting Married” at my WEDDING. My inner voice is a MUPPET.
Cookie: Good point. Me revoke outburst. We go see Muppets Most Wanted now?
Me: We’re….I’m in the middle of a production budget.
Cookie: Ok. How about now?
Me: We’re making our own movies, dammit. The Muppets is one of the key reasons I decided to go into comedy entertainment.
Cookie: Our project never be as good as Muppets.
Me: You never know! With the right connections and resources and…
Cookie: New Muppets movie have Tina Fey in it.
Me: Damn. Can’t compete with that. Ok, let’s go, we might be able to catch the 8:55.
Mother Voice: You should feel guilty about seeink a last minute movie because you didn’t call your friends dat can get you free movie tickets to tings! Movies now $10.75. You know how many tinks you can buy dah family for $10.75?
Cookie: Yes, yes, 75 hamburgers, we got it, run! Run! Run! Me missing everything!
Mother Voice: Sneak in a seltzer vater or I vill make you feel even vorse later!
Cookie: But me get caught, me get kicked out of movie. Very sad and embarrassing.
Mother: Put it in your coat! And von in your bag! And von-
Cookie: But me need to pee! What if me miss critical Tina Fey scene!
Mother: Remember, I gave you those diapers from when Nagymama died?
Me: CONTROL YOURSELF! I AM NOT WEARING MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER’S DIAPERS TO GO SEE THE MUPPET MOVIE!
Mother: Ok, okay. Den just von seltzer. Why are you alvays so mean to your modder?